Elegant Solutions

I'm knee deep in the revising process. I've bounced the 30 off beta readers and I've got an editor lined up to do a serious once-over before I query. Color me terrified.

In other news I'm on page 50 in the draft as far as revising goes. I need to give it the read-aloud test to my faithful read-aloud betas, but overall I'm happy with what I've done. I wanted to give you all a taste of my latest victory! Because even though good news is sometimes boring, it's always welcome.

There's been a splinter in the back of my mind since I began this rewrite... it has to do with my villains. About halfway through the draft I realized that the Brushcasters have a reputation to keep in the Valley - they are revered as religious leaders and present themselves as the upstanding moral right. Some of the things they did at the beginning of the book for plot purposes didn't make a whole lot of sense in that context. One scene in specific is when the cast is on their way to Fire Town. Previously Cat was actively attacked by the Brushcasters in broad daylight resulting in the destruction of property and livelihood for tons of innocent people. Doesn't fit with the 'avatar of god' persona does it?

So to avoid attempted murder and vandalism, I tried to change the circumstances to make them attack her in secret. They set a house on fire to prove a point then leave her to take the blame - but even that felt out of character for these people who are used to having the whole world fawn over them and take their side in all things. This leads to the current rewrite and the elegant solution I titled this blog for.

First I'll set the requirements. This scene must accomplish three things - 1, We need to see that Trace can paint golems and what shape his golems take. 2, We need to prove that Cat is pretty powerless against a golem of any size, and that her magic - while useful - is not going to save her. and 3, Introduce Joshua and nurture the mystery that surrounds his character.

The attack did all these things in a clunky ill-conceived, plot-contrived kind of way. We see Trace paint a golem to attack/threaten Cat with. We see her struggle against it and Joshua saves her. It hits the bullets but leaves so many gaping holes. There had to be a better solution. The recesses of my mind have toiled on this for many months.


So obviously there can't be an attack... that's out of character. And probably there will be a crowd of people because Brushcasters can't go anywhere without a crowd of people assembling around them - so how am I going to hit my major points? Maybe Trace paints a golem as an example to impress or frighten Cat? That would work except she's already seen a golem painted in chapter 2... not only that but it was crafted by the most talented and skillful Calligrapher in the Valley, making it far more impressive than anything Trace can hope to make. Plus she's pretty pissed off right now and wouldn't stand by tapping her foot waiting for Trace to finish showing off. Plus its likely anything he makes as an example would stand there and not do anything which is does not an exciting chapter make...

So the golem is going to need to go berserk so Cat can use magic and Joshua can save her. Thankfully I've programmed a way for that to happen, but it relies heavily on people either messing with the actual paint (which is on the ground directly beneath the ten-foot fire monster) or someone actively attacking it. So what if Cat attacks it? She's pissed off that Trace is parading around like a know-it-all and flips out her magic to prove she's hot stuff too.

That solution sucks. Her motivation is to get she and her extremely fragile friend out of danger as soon as possible - yes she has no patience for Brushcasters, but she's not stupid. She knows her measly little water spouts aren't going to kill a fire gorilla and she knows that messing with them turns them into God's wrath incarnate. Not an elegant solution. Bad form.

So how do I mess up the paint? Maybe a child runs in? Another character we haven't met yet? A character we've already met? A wayward dog? An accident with the paint bucket? No. None of these are good ideas. No one is going to come near this golem, it's a wall of pure fire. No one is going to mess with the brushcasters' paint because they are holy and introducing some random child or pet into the mix just to screw with the spell is probably the most hackneyed idea I've ever had. No. Bad. Bad all around.

So at this point it was about 2am and I decided to sleep on it. The best ideas come to you after a good nights' rest. I turned out the lights and lay in bed when suddenly inspiration strikes like a prod to my brain.

What if it comes with him? What if Trace PAINTS A GOLEM OFF CAMERA and FOLLOWS IT TO THE SQUARE. Therefore he already has it - maybe he painted it for show? Maybe he painted it to help him find Cat's location... whatever! Point is now he has it and the circle to cast it is way over on the other side of town. CHA-CHING

So who messes with the circle to set the fire golem off? Well that solution is obvious. Who is here to make sure things go by my plan? Who is my tool to enact "god"'s will in this world? Joshua of course. If the circle is out of sight and no one is paying any attention to it then there's no reason Joshua can't skip across the rooftops and draw a huge X through the middle of it behind a guard's back?

This is fantastic - Joshua's involved, the golem going berserk is a perfect time for Trace and Paige to assault Cat with a little dogma, the locals will assume the whole thing is Cat's fault because she's being belligerent and they're stupid, the brushcasters have to LEAVE THE AREA to fix it therefore freeing Joshua to show up and do his thing without being caught - Trace hits point 1, Cat hits point 2, Josh hits point 3 and no loose ends remain.

It is a supremely elegant solution... and it rose from the inside of my world to knock me on the side of my head. These moments are what makes revising my favorite part of the process - I've taken something broken and made it amazingly better. I've tightened a loose bolt in the Threadcaster machine and now it's like clockwork.

So there's my moment of victory. As parting words I bit you remember my editor's motto - now's your chance to do it again better. And keep instances! I went all the way back to my second draft of the scene to pull inspiration for this new one - instances and copies along the way are extremely helpful, but that's another entry.

FIRST 30 PAGES!!

I've got my first 30 packaged and ready as far as I know. It would help me scads if I could get some beta readers to look them over for me.

If anyone is interested in volunteering please email me at threadcaster@gmail.com. I'm not sending it to everyone so jump on board if you're interested!

Cunundrum

So I've hit the 30 page mark in my revision pass and now I face a quandry... to query or not to query.

Kristin Nelson back at the Missouri Writers' Guild "Just Write" conference told me that if I got the thing revised really well she'd love to read my first thirty pages. I really want to get them to her before she forgets who I am, but I don't know if sending them now is a good idea or if I should wait to finish the rest of the draft? Because there's always room for improvement and my darn prophecy keeps being rewritten over and over and over again. I want it to be as perfect as it can be, but I also want to start this process moving.

If I do query now, it moves my success anxiety to a whole other level. I have full confidence this thing will succeed, there is simply no doubt... but I want it to succeed with an agent and a publisher. Sending it now is frightening because I can always make things better and I want nothing but the best to be reviewed by my choice agent. This of course marks a difference between the quality of the writing and the details of the story.

The writing is at a level I'm proud of. It's been reviewed well by peers so far and reads decent out loud. There's always room to improve or at least change it, but barring another year of practice I don't know if it's going to improve too dramatically with another pass. Even if I change details of the events, the story and writing will be about the same. So what's to lose by querying now except some sleep maybe.

Plus querying now would put it on her desk for the expected six months I could then spend revising and editing the rest of the draft. Even if I go back and change details in the first thirty pages she'll probably have revisions to suggest anyway, right? I think that's how it goes. Maybe it's a good idea to send it off in it's juvenile state?

OH but I'm nervous! I'll have to start really really working on my query letter! I've never written a query letter before...and I have no idea how to write one for an agent I've already pitched to. Do I say "Dear Kristin (or Kristin's assistant), I'm Jennifer Stolzer, I pitched you a book about Brushcasters and Curses, you asked for my first thirty pages please find them attached?" or do I query the old fashioned way and make puppy eyes hoping she'll say "Hey I remember you! Send me your thirty, I'ma ready for them!"

And I know everyone's scared of rejection, but I know my book is a good one. I'm confident in it and I love it... I know if it gets rejected I'll grow some serious doubts. I don't want to make a million dollars, I only want people to read it! I'll be alright with an ebook I guess -_- I'm dreaming big on this one though, and I don't often dream big. If you keep your expectations low you're less likely to be disappointed.

So okay, I'll query now. Well soon. I'll query soon. First I'm going to tie a ribbon around these thirty, sent them to some strangers and ask them to read and review. If they like then I'll send them... if not then I'll give them another pass with the suggestions I receive. I think it's a good plan.

What's everyone's thoughts?

Redoing things

I'd like to take a moment to expound on the great value of beta readers. Both readers and listeners. I've been reading the book chapter by chapter aloud to a good friend of mine and it has been immeasurably helpful. Today I had my cousin read the first five chapters to herself. This presented a completely different problem which leads to the title of this journal. I'm rewriting chapter 1. Again.

I know I said I'd never touch it once I was done - but it's my first chapter! I can't just let it be when I know it's flawed!  So I'm rewriting the first chapter again, which is timely since I didn't really know how to progress in the spot I was writing. I'll keep working though.

The goal right now is to have the first chapter rewritten quickly. I've already got a plan for how it's going to go down and I"ve got a lot of other work to do too, so this is necessary.

Off Topic On-Topic musings - Ghosts of Whitehall

Editing is moving along at a snail's pace. My goal of having it done by August seems very far away, but I've got to remind myself that the part I'm editing right now is the oldest stuff. The closer we get to the the end the more recently I've revised it and that's going to make things go faster and easier. In the meantime I'm taking notes and reading chapters aloud to friends and family for spot-checks.


In the meantime though I've been thinking a lot about my next project/projects - Runian, the prequel to Threadcaster and Ghosts of Whitehall, a separate IP I've been wanting to write for a long time.

Whitehall is going to take a while to research and such. I still need to organize the events in my head and nail down the character list. I know the basic gist of it; it's spiritual investigation from the ghosts' pov. That's barely scratching the surface but I'll spare everyone details for now. All I know for certain at the moment is that the main character is a 100 year old 8 year-old ghost named Victoria who must find a way to communicate with the investigators in order to save them from a furious poltergheist hellbent on destroying the Whitehall legacy including all souls both living and dead.

I'm basing the house extremely loosely on the Lemp mansion. Whitehall (the house) is going to be located in the Benton Park area and Whitehall (the original owner) is a brewer with a very successful beer company. I want to name as many of the characters as I can after famous St. Louisians, specifically the present-day people, where their monikers are more obviously homages than the past where they might be confused by the actual people. Plus I've got names already for a lot of my ghost characters that I'm not willing to change - namely Victoria, her century-old companion Lancaster the butler, his wife Moira and Whitehall itself. 

There are a lot of famous people from the St. Louis area I'm discovering. Not just the givens like Mark Twain and Tennessee Williams, but obscure people like Linda Blair from the Exorcist and Lance Robertson, the human and host on Yo Gabba Gabba (a show on PBS I've watched and ironically wondered why our children aren't normal).  In reality I realize that no matter how bad I want to name someone after local comic book artists and internet celebrities, I'm going to have to pick the semi-famous ones like Lindbergh and Shaw... (obviously naming someone Anheuser-Busch is being heavy-handed)

Then another idea could be to name everyone after the streets of St.Louis. I like this... because I finally get to name someone Spoede.

And Jamieson for that matter... boy it's gonna take a lot of work to put an "I" in that.

First Edition of Graveyard Friday

Hey all. I'm currently engaged in heavy handed editing as you all know. I'm sparing none of the rod either, this thing is getting flogged to near death. Unfortunately this means that sometimes parts of the book I really like are forced to exit the draft; usually because it's rehashing previous events, slowing the pace or (and most often) is just another excuse for me to have fun writing dialog.

I usually like these scenes just fine, sometimes I think they're really fun, and to make the separation easier I cut/paste them into a separate Graveyard file I keep open nearby - which brings us to Friday.

I've decided to start what I'm going to call "Graveyard Friday". A moment for me to share with the world excerpts and blurbs of the book that haven't made it to final draft. Kind of a bonus feature if you would... an easter egg in case this thing ever gets published and people want to find cool behind the scenes content; and a permanent record for me when I want to relive a little of the editing process.

First Friday of June, 2011... I offer you all the first edition of Graveyard Friday: a scene clipped from the beginning of Chapter 3 when Cat and Peter are getting ready to leave Mason Forge, the only town they've ever known.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The cart was an open-air with a steel frame, foam-padded circumferential seats, thick rubber tires, and near zero suspension. It was drawn by a mare named Strawberry; a copper colored draft horse previously employed contour-plowing the terraces above the town. Probably the largest of the sacrifices; Cat wondered what Mason Forge would do without her.

She and Peter filled the cart with personal effects - most the essentials were already present, tucked beneath the seats and they could send back for any missing items once they had a free house and grounds to furnish. That didn't stop Sheila from putting things in boxes.

“Peter, honey, I packed everything I can think of,” The curly-haired woman rattled down the front ramp with a stack of boxes in her arms, “I have clothes and plenty of bandages and the books you like...” Cat was sitting in the back of the wagon; Sheila unloaded the boxes onto her, and addressed her son, "Are you sure you have everything?"

He grinned at the new pile, “Pretty sure.”

"I don't want you to go without!" She noticed the greasy spatula in her hand, "Oh! The oven!"

She swept back into the house. Peter shook his head, "That woman..." Cat shoved the pile of boxes aside with distaste. The Earth Curse nodded to her, "You okay?"

“Invisible but otherwise fine." She answered, "You?”

“I'm staying positive." He reached into the book box to retrieve his well-worn atlas, "I never thought I'd travel for real. It's kind of exciting when you think about it.”

"Exciting, sure," She smirked, "You enjoy the ride. I'll be doing all the work."

"You volunteered," He reminded her, "Complain if you want, I'll just stand here turning to stone."

"You always ruin my pity parties with your extra suffering," She pouted. "I don't know why I hang out with you."

He could hear irony in the joke and replied in kind, "It builds character."

“Here!” Mrs. Montgomery charged out of the house carrying a cardboard box between a pair of oven mitts. “I baked cookies for the trip.” She unloaded the box into Cat's arms, tugged her mitts off with her teeth and laid them on top of it. “You can take these for cooking." She reached into her apron pouch, "and here's a ladle and a colander. I don't know what you'll use them for, but you should take them just in case.” She added a couple more random cooking utensils then blew her nose and stuffed the handkerchief in the same pocket. “Mothers always send cookies with their boys leaving home, I didn't want you to feel unloved.”

Peter set the book aside and pulled her close instead, "With a mother like you? Impossible."

The Astons came down with the last of Cat's things. Her father tucked them under the seat and dusted his hands, "That should last you a while, especially if Lord Creven provides utilities.”

“I'm sure there's a catch.” Cat said.

"No no!" Her mother assured her, "My sources say it's completely free!"

"Yeah, well," Cat folded her arms, "Your Book Club tends to embellish."

Her mother folded her arms as well, "I never embellish."

The women stared at each other a moment Peter and Raymond exchanged a knowing look over their heads. The Earth Curse sighed, he'd miss the place despite it all, "We should probably get going."

"You should?" Sheila peeped.

He squeezed her with his bandaged arm, "Goodbye Mom."

"Goodbye dear," Mona hugged her daughter tight, "Write often, I want every little detail."

"Try to get a plot far from town," Her father advised.

"We'll take what we can get," Cat said.

"And don't cast any spells." He prompted.

"Yeah we'll see about that." Cat spooled her loop of string around her wrist and gave her travel buddy a nudge, "Shall we?"

He nodded, "I'm driving."

"What!? No you're not!"

“I am so.” He climbed the low step into the coachman's seat and pinched the reigns in his stiff hands, giving them a tug to prove he was capable.

Cat shook her head and conceded. "Fine fine." She climbed in behind and gestured dramatically to the road laid before them. “To Castleton!”

~*~*~

That's it for now! I hope you enjoyed!

Length Crisis (aka it's too long and I refuse to cut it apart)

So I went to a fabulous talk on Thursday. The topic was "Writing a Young Adult Novel". The speaker, Antony John, author of "Busted" and "Five Flavors of Dumb", did a marvelous job explaining the varied and exciting world of young adult writing. He convinced me that Threadcaster absolutely should be a young adult novel - it's straightforward and experimental and concise with teen characters and clean to slightly dark situations. He even signed a copy of Dumb for me with the encouraging words "I look forward to seeing your books".

So off I went home to start reading his novel, hoping a published YA would give me a peek into the "Authentic Teen" voice he said was so important. I learned a thing or two about authentic teens; they speak in incomplete sentences and use the passive voice (but that might be because the author is british), but they also like their chapters short. Like... five pages short. Then i noticed that the amount of words on a page is next to nothing compared to the amount of words per page in my Threadcaster document, so a chapter was more like two pages. Then I noticed his book was the same page number as mine... and with the difference in content per page...

... to add all the parts up for you, my book is too long. According to the notes I took at the talk, an average young adult novel is 40,000 words. Threadcaster clocked in at 140,000 words. that's 100,000 more words than is generally publishable, and that's a lot of words.

To it's credit, through editing only the first chapter i've managed to pare out 12,000 words... but the sheer size of the task is still daunting. This leads to three options - butcher the hell out of my book, split the book in to two or three volumes or ignore it and hope someone publishes it anyway.

Option one does not sound good to me at all. I can cut out redundant phrases, but to get that kinda word retraction I'd have to cut out a whole Element! If we skipped Water Town or Wind Town all together then maybe we'd get down to 60,000 words (after removing all of Zephyr or Lynn's dialog. We'd get more removed with Lynn). I've worked really hard building these relationships though... there's no one in there who is just kinda there and not serving a purpose like Nell was back when I decided to cut the Lightning curses.

Option two is not favorable. There is one place where the story could concievably break. It's what I call the "Wrench Scene" where I take us all in a totally different direction. The only problem with breaking there is that it's the bleakest place in the whole book... and ending a story with such tragedy would suck and most the second book would then be somber. Or maybe it'll be a good thing? Ending on an unexpectedly awful note might get people to run after the second volume as soon as they can to find out what happens. Then the second book I can spend more time getting to know Jared who has precious few scenes. It'd be a bit of filler, but it's easier to add content than subtract it.

Option three is what  I'm going to do for now. Who is to say someone isn't going to want to pick up a 100,000 word book just because they're a teen? I might lose some audience members but hopefully the pace and sense of adventure will drive them on. I have a whole stack of Redwall books on my shelf- those are YA and excessively long, so there's not rule saying it cannot be done.

I still have doubts about being able to sell the book to an agent though now that I know it's both a first novel and an overlength one. I'm really doubting myself and my work lately, I think it's because I'm tired and I've been so critical. All I want is to edit the thing so people can read it - I think when I hear feedback that is not my own I'll regain some of that confidence, because in my heart I know the book is good. I know the universe is interesting and the characters authentic, just as an author it seems stale and overdone.